


Zero Failure Modes

by ultranos



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Cameos, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-22
Updated: 2010-07-22
Packaged: 2017-10-15 14:53:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/161933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ultranos/pseuds/ultranos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yosuke Hanamura is 21 and single.  He resolves to fix this, and he ropes Naoto Shirogane into helping him.  This plan has Zero Failure Modes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Zero Failure Modes

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [](http://36-stratagems.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**36_stratagems**](http://36-stratagems.dreamwidth.org/) ficathon. Thanks to [](http://shanghairain.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**shanghairain**](http://shanghairain.dreamwidth.org/) for the extensive beta work, and for being the poor man I poked at 3am on multiple nights trying to plot this thing.
> 
>  **Prompt:** _28\. Remove the ladder when the enemy has ascended to the roof. With baits and deceptions, lure your enemy into treacherous terrain. Then cut off his lines of communication and avenue of escape. To save himself, he must fight both your own forces and the elements of nature._

College in the city, it turns out, was much different than high school in Inaba. The city is up at all hours, just like the students and unlike the sleepy rural town. There's an electrifying sense of energy, of movement, that the countryside, for better or worse, doesn't have.

However, for all the differences, there was one aspect in which college in the city was _exactly_ like Inaba--

Yosuke Hanamura still did not have a girlfriend.

This, of course, was totally unacceptable. He was 21 years old now! And he Still Did Not Have A Girlfriend.

Yosuke decided, as he was the type who tried to take control of his own life, to do something about it. If they weren't coming to him, then he'd have to go out to meet them! Face the enemy head on! Except, well, they weren't really the enemy, because he'd fought Shadows that looked like women before, and there was _no way_.

He still had nightmares about Rise's Shadow.

He needed a Plan. Luckily, he knew how these things were supposed to go.

He'd go to a few bars, meet some new people and charm them with his sparkling personality and wit. It was foolproof. In every way. Well, maybe not every way. Much as he hated to admit it, he needed help. He needed a friend to be his wingman and backup, because this operation had no room for failure.

He considered his options. Souji was a great guy, and the best friend he could ever ask for, but there was _no way_ Yosuke could look him in the eye and ask him to be his wingman. All Souji had to do was put a mildly interested look on his face, and the guy would have women lining up around the block. No, asking Souji was not gonna happen. His ego couldn't take it.

Kanji would probably punch him. Teddie...no. Just...no.

Chie would laugh at him. Or kick him. Or...possibly, both. Yukiko and Rise were _entirely_ out of the question.

Yosuke thought about who was left that he could trust.

This was not going to end well.

* * *

"I beg your pardon?"

"Come on, Naoto-kun! Please?"

"Yosuke-senpai, I trust you recall that I am female? Please explain to me _how_ I am intended to assist you as a 'wing man' in your endeavor to inveigle another female?"

"Did you swallow a _thesaurus_ as a kid? Look, Naoto-kun, all you gotta do is talk to anyone else she's with! That's it, promise! Just... give me moral support. You know, be my backup here."

"You might be surprised to find I am familiar with the concept. I would like you to clarify one thing for me, though."

"What's that?"

" _Why me?_ "

At this point, Yosuke was pretty sure Naoto was trying to figure out how to shoot someone in the kneecap over a telephone.

"I don't have anyone else I can ask! Seriously!"

"...Souji-senpai?"

"I'm the one that needs a wingman."

"Kanji-kun?"

"He'd punch me!"

"Teddie?"

"Think about what you just said!"

"...you raise an excellent point. Unfortunately."

* * *

Naoto showed up at Yosuke's apartment at precisely 7:29pm, in a familiar blue dress shirt, yellow tie, and jeans. And wearing her hat. He really shouldn't have been surprised.

"Naoto-kun, I told you to dress casual." He himself wore a t-shirt and jeans.

She looked at him blankly. "I am dressed casually."

He resisted the urge to smack himself in the forehead. Somehow, five years later, she was _still_ on an entirely different plane of socially inept. "Just...how about losing the tie?"

If anything, her blank stare got even blanker.

Yosuke had to remind himself that this was one of his best friends.

 _And_ she was doing him a favor.

"Please?"

With a barely-audible sigh, Naoto loosened the tie and handed it over. "I don't see why that was necessary," she said as Yosuke flung the article of clothing over a convenient chair.

"Because people are gonna think you're stuffy or something. Like you don't own anything less formal than a dress shirt...wait a sec." He thought about it for a moment. She probably _didn't_ own anything less formal than a dress shirt and tie. "Never mind."

Naoto rolled her eyes. "Is this acceptable?"

"Here--unbutton your collar...like this," he said, reaching over and popping open the top button on her shirt.

"S-senpai!"

Suddenly, Yosuke realized where his hands were. "Sorry! I just...sorry!" Oh shit, what the _hell_ was he thinking? Chie would have kicked him into the wall by now. Yukiko would have slapped him. This was _Naoto_.

He was going to _die_.

After a long, long moment, he opened one eye. Naoto was adjusting her shirt collar, her face was slightly red. And that was all.

"Naoto-kun...I'm, let's...let's just get going."

She just nodded.

* * *

After waving enough cards around to convince the staff at the first bar that Naoto wasn't actually underage (she _still_ looked like a sixteen-year-old boy), the two of them took their drinks and found a free table.

"I can't believe you actually ordered that."

"Is there something wrong, senpai?" Naoto frowned, sipping her gin and tonic. "Their selection was quite acceptable."

"It's just, well, alcoholic! I didn't think you actually drank!" Okay, so he was only drinking a beer, and the idea that she drank harder stuff than he did was a little hard on his ego. Part of his brain muttered that he should be used to it at this point.

"Senpai," she said, in that I-am-going-to-be-patient-as-I-explain-this-again tone she had, "You are no doubt aware that I am a detective. You may also remember from your part-time duties a few years ago that the Inaba police force, moreso than any other organization, is the largest consumer of alcoholic beverages in the prefecture. I trust you see my meaning." She paused. "In addtion, I am no longer able to use my age as an excuse."

Well, okay then. He sipped at his beer as he looked around the bar. Nice place, overall. Modern, but kinda classy. There was only one goatee-ed man working the bar, but the place was filling up fast. Through the smoky haze, in one corner he could see a pretty decent sound setup on a small, empty stage. Which explained the instrumental-electronica beat he could hear over lulls in conversation.

There were a couple of groups of women, and a few sitting alone, but he wasn't sure how to approach them yet. He needed a plan, right now.

He turned back to his partner. Naoto was starting to look a little pale, and the hand she was gripping her glass with was shaking slightly. He frowned. "Hey, Naoto-kun, you okay?"

"I am fine."

If anything, his frown deepened. "Seriously...you don't look so good."

She started coughing, which made him even more concerned. His expression must have given him away, because she pulled a face. "It is the smoke. I find it...unpleasant."

"I thought you'd be used to it, working in all those police stations."

"Not to this extent, in such an enclosed space." She coughed again, then slammed back the rest of her drink. That seemed to get a bit more color to her cheeks. "My apologies, Yosuke-senpai. I need air. I will return."

Yosuke waved her off. "Go! Man, don't--you can't die here for me. Take as long as you need."

She left, leaving him alone with his beer. Hrm.

"Your friend okay?"

He looked up, and promptly forgot how to breathe. She was stunning--a little bit older, with red hair that just brushed her shoulders. Her very attractive shoulders, which were on display due to the white dress that hung off her in such a way that it took a supreme effort of will to make sure he was staring at her face. Face, Yosuke.

"Oh, uh, yeah. Naoto-kun was really bothered by the smoke."

She chuckled, a low sound that made Yosuke's palms sweat. "Poor guy. I keep telling Gin that he should designate a smoking area."

"Heh, maybe." He desperately groped for something to say. "I'm Yosuke, and, uh, can I buy you a drink?"

She laughed again. "Sure. Name's Haru."

By the time he came back with the drinks, Haru had planted herself in Naoto's vacant chair. "So, er, 'Gin'?"

"The owner. He's an old friend." She nodded towards the stage. "Lets me perform here sometimes."

"Ah, that's cool." Come on, where the hell was Naoto? He was floundering for something to say, _anything_ , and he was really wishing his pint-sized detective friend was here to help him keep this conversation going.

"This is your first time here, isn't it?" Oh thank god Haru was willing to do it. Wait, no, he had bad experiences with gods. Wrong things to be thanking.

"Um, yeah. Nice place, though. I like the look: modern, but kinda classy. Yeah." His eyes drifted downwards. With a start, he realized what he was doing and shot his eyes upwards, feeling his cheeks burning.

She laughed again. "Sorry, you're cute and all, but I don't date kids." Haru stood up. "Look, don't take it the wrong way. You're a sweet guy, I can tell. You deserve better than me. Good luck--and, thanks for the drink." And she disappeared into the crowd, leaving him sitting there red-faced with his mouth hanging open.

* * *

"I can't believe you abandoned me!"

"You said it was fine, senpai. And I believe I performed my duties adequately, in any case. You said she was alone."

"No! I mean, you did, and I did, but-"

"Was there some aspect of my performance that you were unsatisfied with?"

"You're not supposed to abandon me! What if I need..."

"Backup?"

"Yes! Backup! You gotta to help me out when I need it." Yosuke's shoulders slumped. "And now I'm right back where I started." He hung his head.

Naoto let out a long sigh, and when he looked up, he saw her rubbing her temples. "Perhaps...since I did not fulfill my duties as I said I would, we could...try this again."

Yosuke blinked. He blinked again. Did Naoto just... "Did you just suggest going out again to bars another night?"

She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. "...yes."

"Really?"

Naoto dropped her hand from her face. "Yosuke-senpai, I promise I will go out with you to bars until you successfully acquire a girlfriend."

Yosuke stared at her in awe. "Naoto-kun, you are the best friend _ever_."

"What have I gotten myself into?" Naoto muttered. Yosuke pretended not to notice.

* * *

Five nights of barhopping later, and Yosuke still was no closer to his goal than he was the first night. He was certain the universe was laughing at him.

True to her word, though, Naoto had gone with him every night. And except for that disaster the first time, she hadn't abandoned him, consistently being there to give him the backup and confidence he needed. There was probably something ironic about the fact that the cross-dressing girl was the best wingman he could have asked for. Except that it just wasn't working.

Once again, Naoto showed up at his apartment at exactly 7:29. This time, however, once he shut the door behind her, she turned around, her arms crossed and a very irritated expression on her face.

In the back of his brain, Yosuke started searching for cover.

"Senpai, why are you doing this to yourself?"

"I told you. I want to get a girlfriend, and this--"

"That is not what I meant." She sighed. "What I mean is...why are you debasing yourself in this manner?"

"What?"

Naoto made a small noise of frustration. "I don't know what happened that first night while I was otherwise occupied, but I have noticed that you consistently approach the same type of woman. Every single one of them has been physically attractive, but entirely lacking in intelligence and wit."

Yosuke nearly choked on his own spit. " _What?!_ "

"You are attempting to court identical, brainless giggling idiots who are only looking for a man gullible enough to provide them with the cutest cell phone charm or latest handbag! Why, Yosuke-senpai?"

The last time he saw her this vehement, she was yelling at Shadows. "Naoto-kun, I, I don't understand--"

"You have no problem with me? Or Yukiko-senpai, Chie-senpai, or Rise-chan?"

"Of course not."

"Then _why_ are you doing this? You deserve _better_ than that, Yosuke-senpai. You deserve someone like, well, Yukiko-senpai, or Chie-senpai, or Rise-chan, or..."

'Shock' would be a good word to describe his reaction right now. He never expected these words, not from her.

And his shoulders slumped a little, because he's _disappointed_ her, and that means he must be being a _total idiot_. He rubbed the back of his neck. "I...look, Naoto-kun, I'm not Souji. I can't just--"

"No, senpai, you are _not_ Souji-senpai. But that does not mean you have to settle for...that." She sighed. Now it's her shoulders that slump, just a little, and it startled him because he has never seen her this defeated, this vulnerable. "Come on," she muttered. "Let's do this."

She opened the door and stalked out, leaving a pensive Yosuke to stare at an empty doorway.

* * *

"Hey, what's going on over there?" Yosuke paused and looked across the narrow street at a crowd of women outside some sort of club. Well! That looked promising.

Naoto stopped next to him. "Hmm?" She stared for a few moments, then blanched. "Uh, senpai, I believe we should look elsewhere."

"What? Aw, come on, Naoto." He grabbed her shirt sleeve and started dragging her.

"Yosuke-senpai, I really do believe that this is _not_ what you want. Trust me-"

"Well, now, what _do_ we have here?" One of the women sauntered up and, to Yosuke's irritation, very obviously gave _Naoto_ the once-over. Oh for crying out loud! She looked like a _sixteen-year-old boy_. Naoto gulped loudly when the woman's companions caught sight of them.

"M-ma'am." Naoto took a step back as the women started crowding around. Oh, this could _not_ be happening. Seriously? What _god_ hated him this much?

"You pull off the look well, girl."

Wait. _What?_

"I honestly did think you were a boy...until you got close. But I've seen your type before."

Yosuke was dimly aware of Naoto stammering--and wasn't _that_ odd--as he frantically tried to reboot his brain. No _wonder_ she was trying to frantically steer him away. Yes, it was just his luck to run into _club full of lesbians_. Wait, Naoto was a girl, a cross-dressing girl, and...Oh. Oh, _shit_. She was going to _kill_ him, get Yukiko to raise him from the dead, and then _kill him again_.

"Come on, honey," one woman said, draping herself over Naoto's shoulders, "ditch the guy and come with us. We'll...show you a good time." The woman's hand trailed down Naoto's shirt to play with the first button on her collar.

"I-I-I..."

Something inside Yosuke snapped. There was Naoto, back against a wall, obviously uncomfortable and distressed, desperately looking for an exit. One of his closest friends, someone he'd fought with and nearly _died_ with, someone who should _never_ look like that.

Yosuke knew he didn't have Kanji's presence, or Souji's easy charm. But neither of them were here right now, and this was all kind of his fault,he couldn't stand Naoto's look of utter panic...so, to his utter surprise, he found his feet pushing him through the crowd of female bodies until his hand found Naoto's. Pasting a big, stupid grin on his face, he grabbed her hand. "Sorry, ladies. Would you look at the time? We gotta go--" and took off running down the street, dragging Naoto along behind him and making absolutely sure her hand never left his own.

* * *

"I think we can stop running now," Yosuke panted, collapsing at the edge of a fountain. Naoto was bent over double, catching her breath.

"That...was extremely disturbing."

"Here," he said, scooting over. "Sit down."

"Yosuke-senpai," she murmered, "thank you."

He scratched the back of his neck. She'd looked terrified. She'd looked like she'd needed the rescue.

"No problem," he said.

Exhausted and emotionally drained, Yosuke leaned back on his upper arms and listened to the sound of running water. He stared out at nothing, thinking over the events of the night. Naoto, furious in his apartment over his lack of self-respect. Her putting up with him for a sixth night in a row. How much trouble he'd caused her. The look on her face as the girls outside that club played with her collar. How she'd reacted when **he'd** done the same thing. How small her hands were when they fit into his, slightly calloused from the gun he knew she carried, but fine-boned and how they fit so perfectly in his when sh _ohshit, he was not going there but she was small and pretty and_

"Yosuke-senpai, is there something on your mind?

 _and fuck I'm busted what do I do what do I say?!_

He blurted the first thing that came to mind.

"Naoto-kun...if anyone else asked you to do this with them, would you?"

She blinked at him. He'd obviously caught her off-guard, and he plowed ahead before she could figure out what was on his mind. "I mean, Souji and Kanji-kun would never, never ask, right? But if they did?"

"I...maybe."

He nodded. "I've heard from Chie how much trouble they have trying to get you to come when they have a Girls' Night. You've never gone out with them for a night on the town."

Her cheeks turned a bit red. "I've always been busy. And that's...not really my preferred method of relaxation."

"But...you did it for me. You won't do it for any of our other friends. So why me?"

She took off her cap and ran her fingers through her hair. Some part of him was screaming not to stare too long, because he'd get noticed, and did he _want_ to get shot? The rest of him was too busy staring.

Later, he'd decide that it was the way her dress shirt, damp from nervous sweat and spray from the fountain, hung on her. Or the way the streetlights sparkled off the drops of water in her hair. Or the feeling that they were alone, really alone, even in a city of twelve million people. At the moment, however, his brain was otherwise occupied.

"Senpai? Senpai, you're staring."

And, well, maybe he was deluding himself, but...maybe Naoto was oblivious to this sort of thing? Hell, Kanji gave up two years ago, and as far as he knew, she never picked up on it. Maybe, just maybe, if he forced the issue, he'd have a shot.

Well, at least he'd know, one way or another.

"Naoto-kun, do you like me?"

She looked confused. "Of course I do, senpai. You are one of the few people I consider a friend."

"I meant as more than friends." Yosuke decided to face the enemy head-on. "Because, I think, I think I might like you."

"I'm glad to hear it, senpai."

"I mean...like _like_ you." Did he really say that? "As...as more than, you know, as more than friends." He rushed the last few words.

Naoto's eyes went wide and her cap dropped from her fingers. "Wh-what?"

"I...this is gonna sound really stupid, Naoto-kun, but I think I've been looking too hard, you know? I kinda missed the fact that there's a girl that's willing to be there when I need it, who's been watching my back for years, who keeps trying to hide the fact that she's really pretty..."

Her face was deep red. She opened and closed her mouth a few times, but nothing came out. Huh. Well, she hadn't shot him yet.

"...and, well, you said it yourself: you normally hate this sort of thing, but you put up with me for six days and you can't say why, and--"

"You needed help, Yosuke-senpai. I couldn't let a teammate down."

He nodded, resigned. It only made sense, after all. She was being a _friend_.

But...was that entirely true? It didn't make sense...she'd made a promise, sure, but the way she'd opened herself up to him, earlier that evening...and how red she'd turned just now, after he told her she was pretty...and what she'd left unsaid--the way she was telling him he deserved better, and trailed off before she could mention, well, _herself_...

One more push, then.

"Is that really true, Naoto-kun?"

Naoto sat in silence for a long time. She mumbled something under her breath.

"What was that? I couldn't hear you."

Her face was still red and she stared at her shoes as if they contained the answers to the universe.

"Nothing, senpai. Really, it was... I... I don't know anymore. Nothing makes sense in my head. I'm sorry, Yosuke-senpai. I need to go. I can't think clearly right now."

"Naoto--would you like to try?"

She froze, caught halfway between standing up and sitting down. Sitting won, and she looked away, biting her lip and staring at the fountain. Suddenly, Yosuke felt very shy. He slowly reached out and put one arm around her shoulders. She tensed immediately; he could feel her nervousness thrumming underneath her shirt and skin.

He pulled her close. The top of her head fit just under his chin when she slowly, imperceptibly, rested her head on his shoulder.

"I...I'm not very good at this, senpai." She ducked her head, a blush spreading across her cheeks. He let her go and stood up.

"Neither am I, not really," he said, scratching the back of his neck. He hesitated. "H-hello, Naoto. I'm Yosuke. Nice to meet you."

She looked up, startled by the form of address. She licked her lips, and smiled tentatively. "Very well... Yosuke. Please be patient with me."

"Right! I--we'll do our best."

And when her smile grew a little more solid, he just grinned back big enough for both of them.  



End file.
